What is your biggest secret?
by Orange Nakatsu
Summary: This is my sick imagination of what would be if I knew Kubo before the chapter 420 was written...XD  Rated T just in case...Slight IchiRuki


_Narrator...Meaning me:_ Ichigo was ready to attack Aizen. His eyes were full of something very strange...It wasn't pride nor was it a hope. It was the truth. He looked at villain with those shining lights. And then he heard a sound from behind.

''Ichigo...?'' a pearly voice whispered. Kurosaki turned back with eyes wide open. All of the captains and friends that still were able to fight, gathered in a large battlefield made by his blade...

_Man! This is getting so boring...Wasn't that suposed to be a comedy?_

_Kubo: ...You're talking to me?_

_Me: Yes to you!_

_Kubo: And what do I have do to with this?_

_Me:...You're the freaking author of this manga aren't you?_

_Kubo: Oh...Yes...You're right...But what can I do to not make this boring? You know I always thought that my stories are funny..._

_Me: Well...Then why I'm yawning while reading it now? Cannot you read the mood? I don't know. Make them drink some serum of truth or something? How did you survived in a world when you have to come up with a new idea every week?_

_Kubo: Letters from fans are helpful..._

_Me: And do you even have fans?_

_Kubo: ..._

_Me: Whatever._

''Ruk-'' Ichigo was cut off by some merchant that suddenly appeared.

''Drugs, sleeping pills, everything you need to make your enemy fall on the ground, serums of truth!''

''Great timing old man...'' Ichigo said with an annoyed look.

''I'm not old...I'm only 104...Life is getting better after 50!''

''It's as if I'm hearing my dad...'' shinigami sighed.

''Ekhem...'' everyone looked in a place where Aizen stood.

''Aizen you bastard! Wait a minute and I'm gonna tear you down!'' threatened Renji that was among those who came to help Ichigo.

''Well actually...I thought about having a little fun with this old merchant's serums...'' Butterfly man said bluntly and everyone stared at him with shocked eyes.

''Say what?''

''Why not? I mean I'm probably gonna drop dead after several chapters, so I thought that playing truth or dare now would fulfill my role in this world.'' and then he smiled.

''He's scary even when he's not scary...'' stated Rangiku.

''Oh, whatever...Give me that serum of truth or what did you named it.'' Ichigo received from old man a little purple bottle made of glass.

''And how all of us are gonna drink from this small thing?'' boy said while loosening a plug.

''It's a gas.'' everyone expanded their eyeballs and after a while were coughing up a purple substance.

''Okay...So I'm gonna take this pretty thing, and wish u a happy day!'' declared a merchant holding Renji's wallet ( oddly nobody saw when he even grabbed it ) and vanished.

_You know what?_

_Kubo: What it is now?_

_Me: That old man was good. He should be in a regular cast of Bleach._

_Kubo: Yeah...He's good but most people want to see sexy blonde or hot guys in a manga. If I was drawing grannies and old uncles then nobody would read it._

_Me: Except some senile grandparents that want to feel young again, cuz seriously only Genryuusai looks old here._

_Kubo: You're complaining more and more...What else I have to do to make you satisfied?_

_Me: Brew me a coffee._

_Kubo: You don't drink coffee._

_Me: You're not fun at all..._

''So what are we gonna ask Ichigo first? Maybe if does he love Rukia?'' asked Aizen totally fascinated by the game.

''No. That's useless. Everybody knows that they're deeply in love with each other. What's the point in that anyway?''

''So maybe his biggest secret?'' everyone smirked evilly and Ichigo shivered.

''Then Ichigo...What is your biggest secret?''

''I...I...I love watching The Bold and The Beautiful!'' everyone laughed.

''Hey! That's not fair! You have to tell your secrets too!'' shouted Ichigo angry that he was ashamed in such a large crowd.

''Hah..That's fine with me.'' said Rangiku ''My biggest secret is to be a model and have a lot of money and be the most famous in Soul Society!''

''That wasn't much of an embarrassing one...'' commented Ukitake.

''That's to be excepted from this woman'' sighed Hitsugaya.

''Okay...Next is Orihime-chan...What's your biggest secret?''

''Hmm...That would be dancing hula in front of a mirror'' the girl blushed.

_And I thought that her biggest secret was her love to Strawberry-chan..._

_Kubo: That's what I made up. All that she does behind the scenes of Bleach is her own business._

_Me: Wow...You are such an understanding author..._

''Rukia what's your biggest secret?''

''...I think I don't have any secrets...''

''But like seriously? Does that mean you don't love that idiot Ichigo?'' asked Renji.

''That is not your damned interest'' said Rukia kicking Renji in the face. After a while she asked her brother.

''What is your biggest secret Nii-sama?''

''...''

''Common Byakuya...Answer your little sister.'' insisted Ichigo praying for it to be more embarrassing than his own weakness.

''I'm scared of watching horror movies..."

''...''

''Wait a minute! You're soul reaper and you're afraid of watching horror movies?''

''Hahaha...Thank you Byakuya...You saved my life...'' Ichigo started to cry from happiness.

After some time everyone knew that: Ukitake is only pretending to be sickly, Yoruruichi first love was Byakuya, Urahara is sleeping with a big plush doll while calling Youruichi's name and telling her not to kill him, Hitsu-kun isn't really a genius child but a boy who's really good at cheating, Zaraki's real name is Lily, the real reason Gin loves Rangiku is because he's a pervert and likes big boobs and Renji's hair are dyed and his real hair color is blond.

''So I guess we're done...I wonder when this serum will wear off?'' wondered Rukia.

''Wait a minute...That bastard Aizen still didn't said anything.'' noticed Gin.

''Exactly. You're the one that wanted to play this game so we're waiting what you've got to say...''

''Alright...''

_Wait a minute._

_Kubo: Ugh...And I thought that you won't complain anymore._

_Me: I mean...I wanted to ask._

_Kubo: What?_

_Me: When you're gonna finally slay that stupid, damned, fucking butterfly man! I waiting for Ichigo's reunion with Rukia, and that damned guy that thinks he's the best only because he's got a pair of super cute wings and is looking 20 years younger than he really is, is stealing the precious spotlight! Finish that guy already!_

_Kubo: Oh my...Next IchiRuki fan._

_Me: And what. You don't like them?_

_Kubo: The options that are left for Ichigo are Orihime and Tatsuki...Do you think I'm a sadist? I won't let my character suffer because his girlfriend has a love complex and the other one is more dangerous than a terrorist._

_Me: You've designed them, you know that right?_

''So my biggest secret is...'' everyone looked at him with waiting expression and then he answered with a wide smile. ''I'm wearing dresses at home and butterfly earrings, I'm full and proud gay and actually I reaaaaaaally love little kids...''

''...''

_Kubo: ...It was creepy enough for me to not know it._

_Me: Like I said before. Kill him already._


End file.
